The Stuck Point

i am frustrated. for a myriad of reasons. this painting is somehow beyond me yet, simultaneously, somehow within reach. this paradox is driving me nuts. right now nothing is working and mostly,i am not feeling it.

i started painting this afternoon. and the whole time i have been frustrated. nothing is working. the sun is blaring into my window blinding me and making me so hot i could die. the canvas is too big for my wall and i find myself negotiating with tiny spaces to reach certain areas of the painting and to even reach my paints! i realized the other night that i was actually painting the painting upside down. it feels better upside down, but it is a whole different feeling to be painting it in that direction. and while trying to move the painting the screw that was holding it fell out of the wall, the easel i borrowed from joe takes up too much space in my little studio area and basically this is all driving me nuts. if i am not feeling it i need to simply take a break from the damn thing and move on with my breathing space.

two nights ago i got the painting heavily started without stopping. i was totally feeling it, allowing myself to be lost in its possibilities and when it started to finally to form i found myself stuck. what do i do next. where do i go from here. i love it but it is not done..the flow of consciousness stopped and the thinking began. again this stuck point. what do i do with myself then. i find when i force myself to paint wile stuck i stop being in the focus of it. argh! so a great suggestion by j was to just play with the painting. move it around, sit in front of it for a while and begin to reform a relationship with it. i want to do this. and i am going to do this. my problem is the deadline for delivery of this painting is quickly approaching and with oil paints this is a tricky situation. it is due by next week to the person who asked me to paint it. ah! well i have to work tonight unfortunately but at least i have all of sunday to make a difference on this canvas. oh canvas what do you want to be! let me see you again! ah!

the cool thing is that we at the flat iron arts building have begun to have open studios all weekend long. every weekend. this is cool because a couple of random strangers wandered into the studio this afternoon and all felt a lot of love for this new painting. that was cool. (although it was not upside down at that point....ah!)

honestly, i have to remember if i am not feeling it to not force myself upon a painting. to take a step back from it and move on for a while. bringing new energy to myself can only mean bringing new life to the painting. well i guess that is what i am going to do.