E- Motion

It is amazing. So much has happened over the past weeks. So much madness. And the first thing i put aside was the ability to get it all out. To emote on canvas. Why is it that when the darkness calls it calls so delftly that i listen to it and not to my own voice. There is a line which draws itself amongst those who wish to leave the dark. That line was etched tonight, begun this morning. And finally with moments before I am called to a job assigment I would rather banish, I threw myself onto my canvas and cried out the colors inside. I do not care if this painting is well received by anyone other than my ownself. This painting is the real reason I can survive, it lets me vomit all the bleakness into an abyss of new beginnings. There is still madness, but at least it is not bigger than me. thank god for painting. again and again.

naked

naked

my goal. to paint a simple painting. 2 colors. one flat one strong. simple. easy. it was exactly how i was feeling when i got called to it. 1 brush, 1 pallet knife. boom - you are done.
now.
18 brushes later. 4 crazy different knives and paint everywhere i can't even remember what the vision was in my head i started off with. all i know is now my studio table is a mess and i can't believe what frustration the most simple painting has caused me. although i have to admit i would only allow myself this sort of frustration because i am already so deeply in love with this painting. i love how one side is so flat and the other side has so much goin on in it. that is so indiciative. it is perfect. it is truly honest. it is truly naked. this painting is going to be called, "naked". i think i am going to force myself to finish this paintng. because as i have learned about myself so far. i could paint on one painting forever. literally for an eternity. so toinght i am pulling a force quit. its time for round one to end. big love to you. painting. and good night.

ah the pleasure of madness...

or, please! just let me be mad! i was watching a movie on salvador dali tonight. As i glazed over one of the clips, my eyes met his and i felt the supreme joy of chaos and free madness being allowed to fly. i whished i had the time just to be that mad. it seems such a daunting task to maintain the madness and the freeness of it all when daily tasks and chores keep getting in the way.
website building
moving paintings
cooking dinner
washing the dishes in the communal washroom
laundry
shows
another job
mailing lists
meet and greet
selling
marketing
organizing.
where can i fit the madness in. oh and
painting. must not forget that one.
ok. back to painting.
paintingpaintingpainting
painting.
hell yeah.
thank god there is painting!

My new painting

This is my latest painting. It is still a work in progress..due very soon, however..!

Painting Revised...

I was asked to revise my painting. She wanted the painting hung upside down and a series of green added to it. Here is the before and after...

The Stuck Point

i am frustrated. for a myriad of reasons. this painting is somehow beyond me yet, simultaneously, somehow within reach. this paradox is driving me nuts. right now nothing is working and mostly,i am not feeling it.

i started painting this afternoon. and the whole time i have been frustrated. nothing is working. the sun is blaring into my window blinding me and making me so hot i could die. the canvas is too big for my wall and i find myself negotiating with tiny spaces to reach certain areas of the painting and to even reach my paints! i realized the other night that i was actually painting the painting upside down. it feels better upside down, but it is a whole different feeling to be painting it in that direction. and while trying to move the painting the screw that was holding it fell out of the wall, the easel i borrowed from joe takes up too much space in my little studio area and basically this is all driving me nuts. if i am not feeling it i need to simply take a break from the damn thing and move on with my breathing space.

two nights ago i got the painting heavily started without stopping. i was totally feeling it, allowing myself to be lost in its possibilities and when it started to finally to form i found myself stuck. what do i do next. where do i go from here. i love it but it is not done..the flow of consciousness stopped and the thinking began. again this stuck point. what do i do with myself then. i find when i force myself to paint wile stuck i stop being in the focus of it. argh! so a great suggestion by j was to just play with the painting. move it around, sit in front of it for a while and begin to reform a relationship with it. i want to do this. and i am going to do this. my problem is the deadline for delivery of this painting is quickly approaching and with oil paints this is a tricky situation. it is due by next week to the person who asked me to paint it. ah! well i have to work tonight unfortunately but at least i have all of sunday to make a difference on this canvas. oh canvas what do you want to be! let me see you again! ah!

the cool thing is that we at the flat iron arts building have begun to have open studios all weekend long. every weekend. this is cool because a couple of random strangers wandered into the studio this afternoon and all felt a lot of love for this new painting. that was cool. (although it was not upside down at that point....ah!)

honestly, i have to remember if i am not feeling it to not force myself upon a painting. to take a step back from it and move on for a while. bringing new energy to myself can only mean bringing new life to the painting. well i guess that is what i am going to do.

Just a normal night

its funny. to cook tonight i moved 2 paintings. we have begun cooking on  my side of the studio because it runs on a different electric circuit then the rest of the house and we have learned the hard way that to not do so means blowing a fuse in this very old artists building. but the painting i had completed for commission needed to be "edited" um...and as joey began the pasta sauce just 3 meters away from my painting i realized i needed to move it and fast. so i moved it to another wall, took the painting from that wall and placed it over the the wall by the trash bin and the computer. so i am basically writing you from behind the painting of a great pair of pigeons as we have set up the cooking plate and the electric skillet right by my wall of paintings. ironically the most abstract of the paintings...the tempest, i have less concern of splatter for. i think because it would only be kind of cool to see what daily life could add to such a painting.

well,  i really need to stretch this new canvas tonight for a new commission i need to have completed in 2 weeks, including the one week it will take at least for it to dry. god help me. this one is huge 3 by 5 feet. a lot of love will be involved in this process tonight, especially as it is already 10.15 pm and we have already had a wonderful evening at nicks tavern...if you know what i mean..
giggle...
love from the world of lizzie..

Rantings, Pantings and Paintings

I deleted that previous post because I was entirely too frustrated to write. I wrote preachy stuff. It wasn't my place to do so. I was frustrated that the most of the crowd who attended our art show cared less about art then they did for the free wine we had, etc. I say now that I truly hope for those who genuinely care about the arts to start coming to our shows too.

Nonetheless, I am still here and still devilishly inspired. I want to share with you some images. (Yes! I finally found my camera - No, don't ask where it was!)

The image below is the "don't think just paint" painting i am working on.



This additional image is a before an after image. The before image is an example of me beginning to be free and then stopping within myself. The after image is the one where I simply decided to have fun. I blasted the music and went to town with colors and textures and madness and let me tell you it felt fantastic. I am not sure if you can feel the painting from looking at it online, but I fall more in love with this painting each day. I invite you to come look at it in person...

Les belles artes

I have just deleted my entire posting and have decided to simply share how i feel today with this song. Enjoy.

In to the Mist

My mind is totally buzzing! I swore myself to sleeping early but the call of the paints i could not resist. What started as, "paint for one hour", has become the evening..and the evening has become the morning, yet again. I can't help but feel fresh and clean as I put my painting on the wall and begin to unwind with it.  She was an entirely free painting. My mantra: don't think just paint don't think just paint became the equivalent of emotional gold and i feel fantastic. Freedom of movement of colors, textures and new pallets! Tonight while I was painting, i really began to feel the power of consistency. I have had only one day this week when I have not painted. Ok, maybe two. But no more. It is entirely too easy to get distracted from the things you value most by the maddening world of things to do that must be done. They say there is not enough time in the day, i say there is..if your day can become night and your night becomes day again. Sleep when you are dead. Live while you are alive. It feels so fantastic to just paint!

Series Complete!

Et Voila! I have completed the series. After many brushstrokes, late nights, early mornings and a lot of coffee, I have decided that these paintings are now complete. The painting in the middle is actually the painting that I have previously referenced as "the third painting". The two on the outsides are the paintings I went back and forth pushing and pulling until I decided it was time to let go.

The Push and Pullshit

Joe has introduced me to Hans Hoffman's Push and Pull Theory in Abstract Expressionism. Although I have been painting for nearly ten years, I am a self-taught artist who has only recently become surrounded by other artists. Needless to say my hunger for knowledge is great. After looking at one of my latest paintings in this series, Sikora takes me to the computer to learn of the Push Pull theory; "that color and form could create spatial depth and movement within a picture plane in much the same manner as traditional, linear perspective" or, as I interpret it, how one's eye must be drawn in and out and around the canvas. It inspires me and makes me realize what I have begun to do: to constrain myself within my own freedom of expression.  Within these self constraints my painting lost its ability to push and pull the viewer around the canvas;  for within constraint, there is no honesty -  no genuine story to be realized.

I am still working feverishly on this series. Ironically, I seem to be getting the most response from people from the third painting. The one I haven't considered selling; the one I stopped all thinking whilst creating. I think you can feel it. Being an abstract expressionist i find it odd that i would dare try to constrict myself while painting. But for me, at times, I begin a painting with total freedom and later feel the need to "sew it up" with constraints. Some sort of idea that my viewers will need logic within the disorder. Fuck that.  I am learning again the careful dedication of free-creation.                 b.

Its 2am. I am going back to painting. Freely.

STOP YOU ARE OVER WORKING YOUR PAINTING!

I wish canvases came with an alarm button that said, " STOP YOU ARE OVER WORKING YOUR PAINTING!" because right now, I can't even see this painting anymore and I think I am going mad. I have been working on a series of three paintings entitled, "Waterfall Revisited".  I was commissioned to create a painting for a wonderful lady based on my business card which carries an image I created a long time ago called, you guessed it, "Waterfall". The original image is only 8"x10" and it lives in Holland with its now owner. This time I have been challenged to re-create it on a much larger scale and it is now 3' x 4'.  Originally, I was only going to do one image and after stretching the canvas and beginning the painting, my partner, and fellow painter, Joseph Sikora, suggested that I do not only one, but three. I would not be putting so much pressure on myself for the one perfect painting, but could be more flexible and give the commissioner the best one of three. The deadline for completion is knocking on my door and I am going back and forth between two of the three paintings thinking "Oh this one is the best...no, wait - this one is...no wait...Ah!" Ok, I do have to laugh at this point and take a serious break from painting. Food seems a great option right now because so far my morning has been engulfed in turpentine, liquin, coffee and cigarettes.  I will attempt to upload these images as soon as I find my camera, which has somehow disappeared into the abyss that is our shared studio. At the moment, I think it is best I go find something to eat.